No Ordinary World of Lovexiaolongbao...

Friday, 13 April 2012

The day he got slapped

Some of you may know that I am a huge advocate of PET (Parent Effectiveness Training). The PET method mostly requires a lot of active listening, discussing, problem solving, consulting, all the sugar, spice, and everything nice. No form of corporal punishment should be used under any circumstances, you just talk things out.

BUT.

As with most things theoretical, it can also be impractical.

Mountain Boy is quite a passionate and boisterous boy. Sometimes he expresses himself through rather physical methods such as punching and kicking (inanimate objects mostly). It's not uncommon and i do encourage him to release this energy. But what I am most worried about is when he lays his hands on Lilybuff, it happened before. Potentially he thinks it's fun, but mostly he does it to get our attention. I've taught him and he knows he can simply say "Mama/Daddy look at me" when he feels that he is not getting enough airtime from us. But kids being kids, they have a memory capacity no bigger than a goldfish.

I live in a household where the adult to child ratio is 1:1. The nanny and I have to take turns to do stuff so at least one of is keeping an eye on the children. But sometimes this system lapses and the kids will be left on their own for seconds or even minutes during the day. Panic always hits me whenever i realize that no one is supervising them.

So in my desperate need for Mountain Boy to understand why physical abuse is bad, i've rationalized the used of corporal punishment at home, limited to only when Mountain Boy hits Lilybuff. In fact, Mountain Man delivered the first sentence, he hit Mountain Boy's knuckles with his drum stick. OUCH.

Yesterday on our way home from school, Mountain Boy decided to see if I would react by slapping me in the face. My blood temperature started boiling immediately and i asked if he wanted to know what it was like to be slapped, he defiantly replied "YES!". I explained that it was extremely painful and i felt hurt. Of course i didn't proceed to slap him but i might as well have because the first thing he did when he saw Lilybuff was to slap her in the face. Ooh that got my attention alright. I told him that he hurt his sister and that i was going to slap him (yes i warned him first). Again he said "YES!", so i did. I gave him a good one like i've been a professional slapper all my life. He bawled. The right side of his cheek was glowing for a while.

After the incident I didn't even feel bad, or rather I didn't think I should feel bad. Could I have slapped him somewhere other than the face? No because it's so much more painful to be slapped on the face! Could I have slapped him less hard? No because if it didn't hurt then i'd be wasting this whole experience wouldn't i? I told myself that the punishment fit the crime.

But after stewing on it for a few more hours, I can't help but question if I've negatively demonstrated that violence is the answer to violence. Since implementing corporal punishment at home, did the incidences of physical abuse decrease because he understands that physical abuse is bad, or is he just afraid to hit others because I'm there, but what if i'm not there? Of course we talked about the slap. I explained that I didn't want to hit him but i had to because i wanted to show him that it was painful.

Frankly I admit that i'm still new at this. Mountain Boy if you're reading down the road and still remember how Mom slapped you, i really didn't want to do it. =(