Don't forget Happeee Day!

Hey moms, dads, children, friends... Don't forget that the Happeee Day is this coming Sunday. I don't know if Daph still needs volunteers but drop her an email if you're not sure! daphne@motherinc.org

If you intend to attend the carnival just for fun, please also email her to register so she'll know to expect you.

Also if you haven't donated, pls go donate. Remember God loves a cheerful giver so make sure you have a smile on that face when u key in your credit card details!!

The case of the missing SD card

Remember how i said i couldn't find the SD card containing all the pictures of my in-laws visit right before my camera went kaput? I had been pretty upset about losing it because i took some pretty nice pictures which i intended to develop.

Before i continue with my story let me digress a bit. Mountain Boy loves to play with the door access cards, he knows how to tap the card on the lift and open the door with it, the only

thing that'd make him let go of the access card is if someone opens the fridge freezer door. So not surprisingly, i found not one but 2 access cards in the freezer compartment a couple of days ago. The culprit is obvious.

Sometimes i also find his toys stashed in grocery cupboards, or random things in random places.

So back to the missing SD card. Both Mountain Man and I were SO SURE that Mountain Boy hid the SD card somewhere. I looked in the fridge, the medicine cabinet, grocery cupboards, i dug through all his regular hiding places and NO SD CARD. Suddenly this morning one piece of memory came back to me. Maybe i did attempt to develop the photos but didn't actually do it so i rummaged through the million handbags i have and i DID find the SD card. So it's my bad and i blamed it all on Mountain Boy. whooops....Adults make mistakes too right.

Anyway here are some choice pictures in random order.

These gigantic gourds hung off the walls of the Mutianyu Beigou Village.

This one made me laugh.

We made it to the Mutianyu Great Wall of China. Getting there was by no means easy for either of us. You don't just take a car and then set foot on the Great Wall straight away, there's a million steps of vertical climb before we get to the cable car ride that takes us to the entrance of the Great Wall.

Evidence of overcoming the fear of heights...

To the top-right, you'll see how crowded the entrance to the great wall is.

The Great Wall from afar. I did something to the colour because the shadows bothered me.

The picture of the trip. I think my in-laws travelled all the way to Beijing just to take this one so luckily i found the SD card.

Meltdowns and conflict resolution

Going through PET has made me a more patient mom, i think. When Mountain Boy "misbehaves", I would now try to think about the cause of his actions rather than immediately labeling him as "naughty" or "unruly".

So a couple of tips to help parents deal with tot meltdowns, ie when a conflict happens between u and the child.

1. Remember that your child is still somewhat alien to the concept of self-control. We don't scold our kids for learning how to walk or talk, we encourage them by being supportive and facilitating their growth. Similarly, these tots are still on "emotional trainer-wheels". They rely on us to calm them down and they need us to teach them how to control their emotions which frankly is a lot harder than walking or talking. I sometimes think that i'm still learning how to curb my own emotional outbursts, let alone a child. So help your child calm down by being there, or by holding them. Active Listen if you can.
2. Think about their basic needs. This often is the hardest and requires patience. Case in point: Mountain Boy was extremely restless at a shopping mall and he kept wanting to wander off on is own. I tried to make him stay put and i couldn't go beyond the shop boundaries because the alarm would go off due to my unpaid purchases. He then decides to lie on the floor and cry until his face was purple (sorta like Mountain Man when he is drunk). The old me would have been embarrassed by his "bad" behaviour and i would have just scolded him. But the new me knew that it was unreasonable of me to want him to stay put after a carbo-filled meal. Kids need to release the energy after lunch so i felt bad for depriving Mountain Boy of the chance to run about. In a nutshell, when your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, try to define their basic needs and try to channel that need to an acceptable behaviour.
3. Problem solving is the easy part. Come up with solutions together, choose one that both parties can accept. Make sure both you and child get your needs met.

This weeks session also talked about how parents normally default to 2 methods of problem solving.

Method 1: Authoritarian. "I am the parent, what i say is right and you must follow". This is a very fast and effective method to get your child to comply. But it may lead them to doing things out of fear and as a result they may never feel the freedom to dare to be. Resentment is a possible consequence, it is definite that one day we will lose authority over our child and we don't want them to hate us because we've been such control freaks.

Method 2: Submissive. "Okay you win you can do whtever you want." Method 2 often results in children who are highly creative but i don't think parents should always put their needs behind their children. We are emotional beings and we also want things our way.

Some parents toggle between method 1 and 2 depending on which one stops working.

So think about what you've been doing and evaluate how effective it has been. No harm in trying out Steps 1,2 and 3 to see if they work!

A new bag

Okay maybe not so new. I've recently acquired a vintage pewter hardware Balenciaga First Bag, made in 2002 out of Monk leather, which essentially is a cross between suede and calfskin (no monks or nuns were harmed in the process don't worry).

As i've been educated by Corey from RealDealCollection, Balenciaga bags from 2002 are more intricately made than those today because the demand was much lower then, more thought and craftsmanship are put into the creation of every single bag and therefore they can withstand the test of time, older bal bags (2004 and before) also hold their value better in the 2nd hand market.

I like this new acquisition because it's one of the few First bags that boasts a long 29inch strap that can be worn crossbody. Perfect for when i need to bring Mountain Boy to the playground. It stays close to the body so it's not cumbersome.

I've bid farewell to my Balenciaga Black GSH City because it weighs too much. Only smaller hardware from now on.

Pretty boy

Mountain boy has figured out that he needs to smile when he sees a camera or phone pointing towards him. This is him today, with 2 hairclips on his head to hold up his long fringe.

I'm whining...

Why is it soo cold at home???

I feel sick, tired, achy and i can't seem to get enough rest. What is going on...

I've been telling my body not to fall ill for the last 1 month, and on top of that i've never really recovered from a cough i got from end september. I don't know why this cough lingers, i still get coughing fits that makes me wanna gag.

I've finally resolved my domestic issues by hiring a new nanny whom i think i've trained well enough to fly without me worrying.

But just when i think it's time to enjoy, i think i'm falling sick. There's no justice in this world.

Brrrr...

Beijing is getting super cold.

Passport photos

A year ago...

Yesterday...

I put a bit of wax on his hair to keep the hair up. He looks so adorable i want to give him a huge slobbery kiss and a big squeezy hug. This was taken at those ordinary instant photo shops, he was unbelievably cooperative even though he had just taken a heavy carbo-filled meal. I'm such a biased mommy but i'm still gonna say that my boy is gonna grow up to be an extremely handsome gentleman. Watch out girls!

How to eat a pear

I've been trying to teach Mountain Boy to recognise different fruits and vegetables the last couple of days. I showed him a pear this morning and immediately he sunk his teeth into it, with the skin intact! So i thought i better peel the skin in case he gets indigestion before letting him "handle" the whole pear. A little while later this happened.

He actually managed to eat the entire pear including parts of the stem, lucky thing he left the core behind, and he did this with minimal help from Mountain Man. My, i had no idea he was capable of this.

Happy 13th month

Our camera had decided that death was better off than torture from Mountain Boy's constant banging, so RIP my Canon G9, you have served us well over the last 2.5 years.

As a result of the untimely death of my camera and the loss of my SD card containing last month's pictures, I can't remember what i need to blog about. But one thing's for sure, this month has been the biggest leap of all months. He started talking a little, he has a memory and remembers many many objects and pictures, he can point out a number own body parts, and he physically he started going up and coming down curbs without help.

Mommy friends who came over for a playdate said that he has had a growth spurt since they last saw him at his birthday party. I think so too. He is suddenly more toddler-esque, less baby.

He has also grown a deeper attachment to Mountain man and I, making it harder for us to put him to bed because he'll cry when he sees us walk out the door. What he probably doesn't know is how much it hurts us when he cries, and how much i actually like watching him sleep but i don't because "it's for his own good".

TV has become quite a huge part of his routine now. He watches Gymboree twice a day now. He does all the actions to Wheels on the Bus with so much enthusiasm it makes me laugh everytime. He remembers little scenes and imitates them in our daily interaction.

This little sponge is also learning some of our habits without us realising, like hailing a taxi and raising our hands to call the waiter. I wish i have a picture of it to show you. He is such a helpful little boy!

Anyway here's us having fun with the Mac photo booth yesterday. He follows my lead now. So adorable.

The one with the grandparents

Mountain Boy's grandparents came to visit over the last 2 weeks. The reunion was extremely delightful for us. 2 weeks of eating, and shopping and walking...I feel like i've eaten a whole year's worth of food.

Also I think it's great that Mountain Boy got to bond with the grams because he has been missing out on the doting and showers of love and attention from grandparents growing up here in Beijing. When i asked him where Grandma and Grandpa were after they left, he went into their room and did the "no more" sign. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

I miss having them around. It's nice also to be able to offload to family members instead of the ayi, who happened to have just quit on me today, SIGH. I feel so tired.

Anyway, i can't remember where i put the SD card containing photos of the trip we took to the Schoolhouse cos i just had a catastrophic playdate and everything has been misplaced. So let me get my life back in order before any photos uploads.

Don't think of monkey with 3 hands

....

I know you're now thinking of a monkey with 3 hands right after i said don't do it.

Moral of the story, don't say "don't". Oops i did it again.

Parent Effectiveness Training has proven to be quite insightful the past few sessions. I've been trying the new methods on Mountain Boy who seems to be needing more discipline of late. I'm not sure it's working 100% yet but i think i have the advantage of being more preventive before he gets out of hand.

I just want to quickly jot down the lessons before it all disappears into forgetfulness.

1. Beware of over-praising. Too much praising can sometimes lead a child to believe that he/she must do something in order to get the praise, not because he/she should do it for his/her own good. Kids get so excited over gold stars that sometimes they don't care what they do to get it. The key to praising is being specific. example: "Wow, good job that you know where your belly button is", or "I like how you are putting your toys back in place, thank you!". Be sincere in the praises, ultimately we want children to grow up being self-aware of their strengths and shortcomings.
2. Be less judgmental. Using words like "naughty" or "rude" can sometimes put negativity into our kids. Most of the time they don't know they are being naughty or rude, but chances are if you say they are, they will be. Instead, be descriptive of their behaviour. Example: When you jump up and down the table it makes me worried.
3. Strip it down to their needs. When they are being noisy and active in the house, recognise that they don't mean to disturb you but they have the need to let go of the excess energy. Take them out to play... They key is to understand the needs and channel them to an acceptable behaviour.
4. Be congruent. If you are angry, sound angry. Kids will react to your tone of voice more than the actual words.
5. Never use threats or bribes. Ultimately, we want our kids to do things for their own good, not out of fear or gains.
6. Use positive phrases instead of No or Don't. Say what they can do, provide options so you are planting a new positive idea into their heads. Instead of "don't play with the truck on the balcony", say "Play with your truck in the house".
7. With a pre-verbal child, modifying the environment is important. Don't expect a child to respond to u yelling "don't break the vase" if you don't move the vase away. Try to reduce the occasions where a conflict may occur.

Well i hope these point i've shared will stick. I'm so excited and apprehensive about this whole parenting thing.

Don't miss this Happee Day

I've said before that motherhood has given me a preview of what unconditional love feels like. If you are a parent, you'll know that each time your child falls, you'd wish that it was you who got the bruise. Each time your child falls sick, you'dwish that you can suffer the symptoms on his behalf.

I don't wish cancer upon anyone but unfortunately it happens, even to children.

I know how many of us know of these terrible things that can happen to children but we've never known how to help. But i'm saying now that WE CAN, and it's EASY.

1. Attend a kickass carnival at Hort Park on 31st October 9am-noon, organised by Motherinc.org. It's gonna be a super fun day i guarantee it. Read more HERE.
2. If you're not in Singapore you can donate directly to the Children's Cancer Foundation. Just click HERE. (Of course option 1 is way more fun).
3. Or you can help to promote this event by blogging/tweeting/facebooking. Instructions found HERE. Tales of Mountain Man, Beach Girl and Mountain Boy is very honoured to be part of the blog network supporting this event.