Lily Inspired: Esteemed

Dear Lilybuff,

If you're reading my entries chronologically down the years, you may find that my entries to you are not chronologically organized according to the natural progression of your life. Sorry about that, i'm haphazard that way.

4 years ago on this date, your dad and I got married. The days were long but the years went by quickly. Your dad recently uploaded our wedding pictures unto the new iPad3 that he just bought. I looked at the pictures feeling both happy and sad because it reminded me of the beautiful yesteryears...Or rather the yesteryears where I was still beautiful/slim. I have been lamenting about how fat i've gotten after 2 kids. He half-jokes about how he knew i was going to be big after he met my mom (sorry mom). And frankly i knew this was coming but i just didn't think it'd be so fast. He of course then tells me that he too has gotten fat. True. But it doesn't make me feel better about myself.

The point of this entry is not how you should keep yourself slim, because i obviously don't know the secret to that. But I just wanna say that you need to be able to find a man who loves you and your potentially expanding hips/waistline/thighs/arms/feet (yes feet too). And the secret to finding a man who loves you is to love yourself first. 

I had a chat with Mountain Boy's teacher, she's someone whom i respect and run to for advice on parenting. She said that for girls, a high self-esteem is very important. (Self-esteem is a term in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth). Without which the girl may get into future trouble when she seeks validation from the wrong sources. Girls with low self-esteem are prone to sexual abuse, unwanted pregnancies, prostitution etc. And as a mother, it's my duty to protect you, to love you, and to teach you how to love yourself.

A friend once told me... "A boy must by paupered, a girl must be pampered". Actually i coined the english version myself and i'm proud of it, but it's derived from a chinese saying. Reason being a boy needs to be toughened and trained so that he can be the head of the family, but a girl on the other hand needs to be showered with constant love and attention so that she will have high expectations of her future husband. Sounds like a recipe for neediness but it's just the opposite. The more secure you are, the less needy you will be, makes sense? It's more about providing a safe and honest environment where you can develop a sense of self-worth. I say honest because I will let you know when I think you are doing well and when you are not, otherwise i'd just be nurturing an egomaniac which is not the goal here.

It's going to be a long process but we're in this together. 

PS: Happy Thirdmay Mountain Man. Love your expanding waistline too.

Lily Inspired: Friend or Foe?

Feels like it's time for another Lily Inspired entry.

I read a while back on 2 separate occasions articles related to females and their friends. The first was called "Breaking up with your girlfriend" and the other was "Toxic Friendships". I have my 2 cents worth on the topic of gals and their pals.

In life you will meet a lot of people. Some of these people will grow into a stronger attachment and you call them friends. Friends are extremely important. Like a tree, friendship needs time to cultivate. You need to give it water, sunlight, oxygen and ample space to survive (for girls the last point is literal). The friends you make early on in life will grow the deepest roots. These are friends that i consider "childhood friends". And these are the friends you will most likely keep for a long time, if the foundation was set right.

As you get older, the social circle changes. You go into different tertiary education, different workspace, different stages of your life, meet all kinds of other friends... Only the ones who withstand the test of time will keep in touch and be friends for life. It also helps if these friends evolve with you and remain socially relevant. e.g., when u become a mother they become a mother too. I'm not saying you have to be friends with people who are absolutely the same as you are but having common topics to discuss always helps.

To cut the long story short, you'll make all kinds of friends with different levels of depths and relevance. Getting to my point now....

Of all these people that you meet, a few will disappoint you. And you will disappoint a few... Some will make you cry, you will make some cry. These unhappy incidents will get you down, there will be feelings of regret, second guessing, maybe a little anger... But that's okay, it happens. Just don't dwell on to it for too long, just move on with life.


I'm not asking you to be cavalier about friendship. Put your heart and soul in it. But recognize when the friendship is no longer productive, or even worse it's destructive. Put an end to it. Don't be afraid to break up. It's easy to fall into the "pleasing everybody" trap, but "pleasing everybody" is a sign of character weakness, it means that you lack the self-confidence so you need to "please everybody" in order for them to like you. Instead, be nice to your friends because you are sincere. Be reliable because you are accountable to yourself. Be giving because you are generous. Believe that you are a decent human being because i'm going to groom you to be one, i'll make sure of it. You know, the friends who do the "please everybody" act actually end up being the worse friends because once they get you to like them their personality perks disappear. That's when you'll need to banish them.

I once read somewhere that at any one point, you only need 6 friends in your immediate circle to function. So u see, it's not that hard.

Lily inspired: Wear Sunscreen

No actually, avoid the sun like a vampire if you can. 

When i was in my teens and early adulthood i loved the sun. Hours and hours i'll spend sun bathing, no SPF. In fact I used sun tan lotion not sunscreen. I got a lot of compliments on my tan, i meekly boast that i don't get sun burns and i tend to tan evenly.

Mid-twenties came. Uhm, the skin starts to sallow and yellow due to late nights (work, parties, surfing the net etc). I realize i needed more and more make up to make myself look better. And because i was tanned and always a different shade, my powder was never the right shade. And powder on dark skin looks gray. I started investing in skincare. No more supermarket products, give me the caviar, gold flakes, highly scientific pitera mambo jumbo. 

And then late twenties. On my wedding day the make-up-artiste told me that the best way to keep our skin looking fresh is to go a shade lighter. You'll look younger, make up will look better, wrinkles will look less obvious. The chinese has a saying, a shade of white covers three shades of ugly "一白遮三丑". Wish I knew that earlier! Think Scarlet Johansson, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett!


Then... the big 30 came. I had your brother, then i had you. Freckles started to appear. These dust-sized flecks may look adorable sprinkled on the cheeks of a teenager, but when they become snowflakes on an old lady no amount of concealer can cover it.

If you have my genes then "lucky you". But if you have your dad's genes and you go sun tanning, chances are you'll turn red like a lobster, peel like a shrimp and then become pale again. And btw, your dad has freckles too so you can't escape these brown little flakes. 

So my dear daughter no matter how tempted you are to flaunt your figure at the beach (then again if you have my genes there goes the flaunting), at the very least wear sunscreen. 

Lily Inspired: Daddy's Girl

You are my muse. Because of you, I've decided i'm going to start a new "label" on the blog called Lily Inspired where i'll capture all the advice a mother can give to her baby daughter. 

I think it'll be fun. Right now you're kind of like a tortilla wrap who smiles back but can't talk yet (that's what 2.5 months old babies do fyi), so this will be like me time traveling to the future and talking to you like a friend. Sounds good right? yay!

Okay where do i begin. 

Your dad... He is the sweetest to you. He has been telling everyone that your brother can go sow the wild oats when he grows older but he wants to put a chastity belt on you. Very protective he is. I don't know if he notices but when he plays with you he puts on this gentle smile like you're this piece of eggshell he is afraid to drop, with the older brother he's like growl here and growl there, tickle and throw in the air type of thing. I think he is apprehensive about having you, in a good way. 

I once read that a daughter's relationship with her father will determine the kind of husband she finds. The closer she is to her dad, the greater her expectations of her husband. I guess it's quite similar to the notion that men tend to find wives who embody qualities of their mothers. 

Anyway, i can't wait to start this journey with you. Already you are melting my heart all the time.