s-muchas gracias...

As you may know, Les and I are gonna get married mid-next year, and we've hired ourselves a great wedding photographer. We're totally excited about it. However, a great picture isn't just about great photography skills, the subjects have to work hard too! So from today onwards, Lester and i are going to practice getting that picture perfect kiss. Let's start with the theory portion, pls refer to the specimens i've picked out.

Number 1: Do not open ur eyes while kissing...

I know that before kissing u need to aim and make sure that u get the lips, but then when u know u're 70% there, close ur eyes if not u'll end up looking like this man. Pa jiao, cross eyed! Our eyes are not made for such close distances, if we exceed the minimum focal length it'll all be a blur anyway. So just close ur eyes and enjoy the kiss and let the emo come alive.

Number 2: No Nose to Nose...

Okay, the eyes are closed, but the noses are squashed together. Don't attempt to do a nose to nose cos its just looks uncomfortable.

Unless u have a long snout like Lady and the Tramp, an N2N is not picture perfect. If u can do a nose to nose but still not crinkle up ur nose, it means that ur nose is too flat, in which case this pose will not bring out the best of ur features.

Number 3: Kissing too passionately
Don't kiss so passionately until you wrinkle up ur forehead. I know it may look like u're very in love with the person, but then it can also look like the person u're kissing got bad breath.

Michelles probably thinking, dang when did u last brush ur teeth. But then again, this might be a result of good acting, cos in those kung fu era, Oral B ain't invented yet so maybe everyone does have stinky mouth. So she's just being in character.

Number 3: For the men, shave.
It may be best kiss for MTV, but it certainly ain't best kiss for a wedding!

Number 4: Height differences

If u're marrying someone much taller than you (which i'm not), try a pose like this. Sensual and very sexy... I'm not sure if stretching ur head up to reach the groom is such a good idea, but maybe it won't be nice for the groom because when he bends his head down too much he may emphasize the double chin. So maybe attempt a seated position instead.

Number 5: Tongue or no tongue, teeth or no teeth...

I tried to find a specimen of french kissing online, but everything i found are either erotica lesbian couples, or very sexy gay man. Not that i have anything against different sexual orientation, but i think for a wedding, keep the organs hidden. Its just hard to pull off a french kissing shot without looking porn-ish.

Number 6: You don't have to limit urself to just the lips, there are other places to kiss...here are some of my favourites...

Okay its sweet, the girl is smiling... So it means she's happy. Smiling is definitely important..

This is quite arty.... i like it that its at a weird angle, but then make sure there's no bat in the cave.

This is like the most perfect standard kiss... Eyes closed, faces are sligthly angled to avoid nose to nose, bodies are not sticking together so it doesn't look messy, but hands and arms are in contact to show there's connection and love...This is the 1st picture i want to achieve with les by the time our day comes.

As part of homework, personal practical criticism is necessary. So i'll show u one from my VERY VERY private collection. Too shy to show anyone but then for the sake of getting that Picture perfect kiss, i will relent.

Okay, whts wrong with this. Lester is not cross-eyed, he is smiling so he is happy, i'm also feeling it cos i definitely look emo, my nose ain't squashed... BUT, my lips pout a bit too much. I look like i have a beak. So i must be conscious from now on, NO MORE STICKING OUT MY LIPS!

This is our ultimate goal...The MJPP (Mary Jane Peter Parker) kiss... Lester better start learning how to hang upside down!

So for those of u who are getting married... start practising for tht picture perfect kiss. Show it to each other so we'll learn. OK?